♥

I am not sure why but it would seem that I have developed this strange yet intense fear of going outside to socialize with my friends. It is the second day of summer and with the sun painting everything in warm tones one would think I would be shuffling around my room throwing on sunglasses, shorts, and white flip flops in preperation for meeting up with the neighborhood boys. Moments later I would find myself walking in long strides down the sidewalk, flashing smiles at the cars driving by. Though Autumn will always be my favorite season, I live for summer. I live for the long days spent down by the river splashing around, swatting away the mosquitos nibbling at my ears. I live for sitting in the hallow of trees, carrying my pen across the paper of my notebook which has already been stained by the lemonade I was drinking hours earlier. This is the way it was last summer, so why am I so reluctant to allow it to be that way now? I know why.

It’s because last summer I was a girl of confidence. I loved who I was and I paraded around like the leader I am at heart. Now I am sitting here glancing out the window and wondering how I am supposed to go out there and be that person all over again. It almost seems making a feeble attempt and then failing would be a dissapointment to much to bear at this point. So instead I recoil, and my mind presses the fact that it isn’t even worth the trying.

I do not anyone to see me.