♥

My fingertips slide across the carpet and I push myself up into standing position. Without so much as a second inbetween movements, I reach my arm over my head and lean my body to the left. My legs start to wabble and I find myself stumbling into the bookshelf knocking several things off. Panic shoots through me so I try to steady myself by concentrating on a spot on the wall. For a moment it is hard to breath, my chest tightens and my heart flutters beneath my skin.
“I think I’m going to pass out.”
“You should stop then.”
“No, I’ll be fine.”
I force myself to smile even though no one is around to see it and continue my workout until I am absolutely unable to. I am walking down the path of self destruction, my body tied up in strings of misconception. I have allowed myself to become Ana’s puppet without even realizing it, and now even the desire to try and find a way out has vanished. I live by her rules, our rules. 1)Do not eat 2)If you must eat you are only able to do it after fasting for two days straight 3)Even at this point you are allowed only a bite of something 4)Never go over 40 calories a day, liquids included 5) Work out even if there is nothing in your stomach 6)Stay strong.

I want Ana. She has become my friend.
I am now literally dying to be thin.
And I don’t even care.