♥

Anorexia/Bulimia seems to be slowly consuming more and more of what I’m thinking about, but these past few days I haven’t been able to think of anything to really put down here. On saturday I was at the music festival in town with my friends and went through the whole day without anything but a few cups of coffee. Even so this liquid fast was just not enough. I found myself in one of the restauraunt bathrooms hunched over the toilet seat spewing phlem into the water until another customer came in, and I allowed my actions to fall silent. It was after that I realized how much of an addiction purging really can be. I craved it three more times during the day, but was distracted by large crowds of people. Yesterday I only had 200 calories and some coffee. My breasts have gotten smaller (though they are still in proportion) which is something I thought I would be upset about but, hey, everythings cool as long as I’m getting thinner right?

I have to speak to my guidance counselor later on in the schoolday about when my parents are able to meet so we can break the news to them that I have an eating disorder. My family is already dysfunctional enough with each individual besides my brother in some bout of depression. I can’t wait for the thrill of turning to them and saying “Well you see mom, dad, I have Anorexia and I also stick my fingers down my throat.” For right now, I’m enjoying the calm before the storm.